


confused husbands and competent wives

by theTARDISdaughter



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: AU with the wives, F/F, Fem!Crowley, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), M/M, fem!Adam/ she's called eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 20:20:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20570288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theTARDISdaughter/pseuds/theTARDISdaughter
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale stumble into a different Universe where they meet their female counterpart. They share their storys with each other and find out what they could have done differently.





	confused husbands and competent wives

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for my friend's birthday  
Happy birthday

Crowley and Aziraphale stepped through the door of the bookshop. They had just come from dinner in a nice restaurant that Aziraphale had wanted to try out. The evening had been very nice. Very nice evenings were almost routine now. Armageddidn’t had been half a year ago and life had been very quiet since then. 

But now they immediately felt something was off as they stepped over the threshold to the bookstore. The place felt strange but even worse was that they could sense supernatural beings. 

They looked at each other, recognising that the other one was indeed also feeling it. Hell or Heaven had caught up with them. The freedom and peace was over. They had hoped they’d have more time. They would have done things differently if they had known how little time they had left. For a start they would have brought up the courage to make a move. 

They braced themselves for the worse, stepping into the store. The bell over the door rang again when the door closed behind them. They stepped closer together waiting for the angels or demons to strike. 

A figure walked around a corner, from behind a bookshelf. Their posture was upright, the walk in neat little steps, the heels of their shoes echoing through the silence of the bookshop. 

Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley recognised the small woman walking towards them. She was dressed in a beige skirt, a rose coloured blouse and a light brown cardigan over it. Her hair was white and tied up in a neat bun. She was very obviously an angel. So heaven had acted first. 

“I’m sorry gentlemen” Her voice was bright and her tone was only the slightest bit rude. “We are closed I’m afraid. You’re going to have to come back another time.” She said with a polite professional smile but a dangerous little twinkle in her eyes.

Aziraphale and Crowley stared at her. Their expressions had gone from terrified but ready to face anything to very confused and frankly extremely unprepared for this. They had no idea how to react to this small woman telling them to leave the bookshop. When they didn’t react the woman frowned at them. Then a realisation crossed her face. 

“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you were angels. I wasn’t expecting a visit. How may I help you?” She said with a different but still polite and professional smile. The rudeness had not gone out of her tone or her gaze but now it was different. It had changed from scaring people away to ending this conversation as soon as possible because she really did not like her co-workers. She waited for them to respond and when they still only looked very confused at her she started to get nervous. 

“Gentlemen? Are you feeling alight? You seem distressed. Maybe you’re at the wrong address? This is Principality Aziraphale’s residence. That’s me. Is that where you were supposed to be? Because if you’re not, you’re not right here.” Another realisation crossed her face. “Unless you’re demons? Oh I do apologize. You’re here to see my wife Crowley? She’s just in the back. I’ll call her for you, if that’s what you’re here for.” She said with regained composure. She had thought it were angels because of the light clothing of one of them, after all it was terribly hard to keep light suits clean if one worked or even just walked into hell. But now that she thought of it the other one was dressed awfully dark so they might just as well be demons. It should be added here that it might also have been similarly hard to keep dark clothes dark when being in heaven for too long. The holiness of the place tended to scare anything with too much edge into something cute and preferably with a nice pattern or a lace trimming. 

Aziraphale frowned and opened his mouth. He needed a few tries to start the sentence. “Did you say Aziraphale?” 

The woman smiled at him “Yes I did. That’s me.” 

“But…” Aziraphale started when another woman came round the corner. 

She was the aforementioned wife. She was wearing something that was almost exactly what Crowley would wear. A loose very stylish, black suit, sunglasses and some weird accessories that were hard to identify. Her hair was at shoulder length and a dark red. She had an undercut but that was barely visible when her hair was down.

“Everything alright angel?” She said walking up to Aziraphale, the female presenting one.

“Yes, dear thank you. These Gentlemen came by I think they want to speak to you. They seem a bit confused.” Aziraphale said to her wife. She gave the two a short nod expecting them to say something. 

“I’m sorry this is fairly strange.” Aziraphale, the male presenting one, started “You see, you say you are the Principality Aziraphale, but I am the Principality Aziraphale.” 

Now the two women were the ones looking confused. “How do you mean?” asked the angel.

“Well you see. We are here because this is my bookshop. Or better it should be. I do believe this is not my bookshop. But we came here because this is where my bookshop should be.” Aziraphale looked around. The bookshop had the same feel to it, the mouldy smell the bad lighting, the confusing furniture arrangements, but the books were not the same, he recognised that obviously since he knew every single of his books and here were a few that he did not know. A lot more children’s books for a starter even after Adams changes, the books meant for children were not so widespread. The furniture was a bit different here and there. There were also quite a bit more houseplants than in his shop.

“Well that is indeed a very peculiar situation.” Said Aziraphale. She didn’t look completely convinced. This could just as well be two demons playing a very strange prank on them. But when she took a closer look at the pair she did see the similarity. They looked like the two of them but in male and maybe a bit more tired. 

“Well I suppose you are Crowley then.” She said to Crowley. 

“Did you say wife?” he answered. Aziraphale and Crowley (the women) looked at each other. 

“Yes we’re married, we’ve been for 5 thousand years now. Are you not?” Crowley answered.

“5 thousand years?” Crowley repeated. His mouth staying open.

This settled it then. There was not a demon or angel up above or down below who didn’t know the two were married. It had made quite the ruckus when they had held the ceremony 5000 years ago. They had all been rather alarmed. Even though in the end they couldn’t do anything against it.

“Maybe we should sit down. Have a cup of tea in the back.” Suggested Aziraphale. She gestured their guest to the back of the shop. The two men complied. They knew of course where to go. The shop wasn’t the same but it was close. 

In the back they sat down. The two men on one couch and the two women on a different one across from them. Aziraphale got up immediately again. “Drinks, right. Tea, cocoa?” She asked.

“Get something a bit harder please. Think the occasion calls for it.” Said Crowley. Aziraphale nodded to her and left for the kitchen. She came back with a two bottles of wine and four glasses. When they all were equipped with a full glass they started the conversation back up.

“Where did we stop?” Said Aziraphale “Oh marriage right. You were saying that you two haven’t been married for 5 thousand years.” She said to Crowley. She really found he looked quite similar to her wife. No wonder, they were the same person just from other universes, at least that was her theory as to now. He did look a bit more anxious.

“Yea not really” he glanced at Aziraphale, his Aziraphale not the one he had answered to. This was all very confusing. “How did you get past the whole demon, angel problem?” he said to the two.

“Oh that was easy. The system is full of loopholes. I just said that a true angel would have to have enough love given from the Almighty to love a demon and Gabriel never said anything about it again.” Said Aziraphale a bit smug. Crowley smiled at her and said “And I said that I was tempting an angel and that they should maybe step their game up a bit.” 

Crowley looked baffled at the response. How had that been so easy? The solution to the dilemma had been so close the entire time and they just hadn’t thought of it. 

“The ceremony was rather nice. There were no churches of course. The flood had just happened. But the rainbow was quite the nice addition to the wonderful occasion.” Swooned Aziraphale in memory. She too her wife’s hand and smiled at her. Crowley smiled back.

“I presented as male for the whole thing, I had a very cool outfit. And the license is still valid. I updated it now and then of course.” Added Crowley. 

“So you didn’t fall?” asked Aziraphale. He glanced at his best friend. “You know, the whole loving a demon thing. Always thought giving in to that would most definitely be a big enough sin to fall immediately.” He wiggled a bit uncomfortably and avoided looking over to Crowley, who was staring at him and repeating ‘loving a demon’ under his breath. Instead he fidgeted with his hands and looked at the women across from them. 

“Of course I didn’t fall! Loving someone is never a sin. No matter who they are.” Said Aziraphale with the conviction of an angel who had been a patron to gay people for centuries.

“Wait are you going to tell me you are not even together?” said Crowley shocked. 

The two men answered her question by nervously changing their sitting position, avoiding eye contact with everyone and stammering incomprehensible startings of words (That was mostly on Crowley’s part). A light blush crept on Aziraphale’s face. “No we are not together. I mean we have spent the better part of our time on earth together and we have the Arrangement but we are not together” He cleared his throat “romantically.” He finished the sentence and settled back into the sofa akwardly. The demon and the angel seemed to be extremely uncomfortable with the whole situation. They avoided looking at each other altogether. Except for maybe a few side glances that they pretended not to see. 

The two women were about to change the subject when a voice came from their right side. 

“Mammon, I’m hungry.” Said a child. She was about 11 and was wearing a very comfortable looking pyjama that had little demons and angels on it.

They all turned around to her. Aziraphale, the one spoken to, said: “We just had dinner, how are you already hungry again?” she mumbled something about fibre and vegetables. The girl rolled her eyes and leaned dramatically on the doorframe she stood in. She leaned forward and looked past Aziraphale to Crowley “Mom, I’m hungry.”

Aziraphale did not look amused at that and gave a warning look to Crowley. She in turn looked very torn between her wife and her daughter who was making puppy eyes at her. She bit her lips glanced at Aziraphale and stood up. 

“Come on Eve, I’ll tuck you into bed.” She shooed her away from the room. Aziraphale did not miss that they went the longer route that lead through the kitchen. They could hear Eve ask “Who are those guys? They seem super uncomfortable.” The faint answer could not be made out from the sitting room but if they would have heard it they’d hear “That’s Zira and me from another universe.” Crowley could be glad her wife had not heard her, she didn’t like being called Zira.

In the sitting room Aziraphale looked annoyed. Only a little. The kind of annoyed you get when your spouse does something that you don’t like and know they can’t help. She sighed and listened for her wife, but they had gone out of audible range. 

“She’s spoiling the child. She has always had a soft spot for children.” She complained shaking her head. Then she realised who she was talking to. “But you obviously know that. And it’s really not a bad thing.” She back paddled. 

Aziraphale, the man, nodded knowing. Crowley shot him a look. “I don’t have a soft spot.” He hissed, the s sounds getting a bit out of control. To distract from his softness, that was non-existent obviously, he asked: “You have children?”

“One, Eve is adopted obviously.” Said Aziraphale. Crowley came back at that moment. “All tucked in like a little angel” She stopped, made some stutter noises and continued “Well not angel, more antichrist. Still a very sweet one.” She sat next to Aziraphale again, who gave her a knowing and a little bit scolding glance which Crowley ignored with long practiced skill. 

“That was the antichrist?” Asked Aziraphale confused. “What does he, I mean she do here?”

“She lives here. We adopted her, obviously.” Answered Aziraphale her dimension twin. Crowley ginned very malicious. “We stole her.” Her wife glared at her. “You stole her. I made sure no one would notice and filled out the adoption papers.” 

“Oh come on Angel you liked how I ran off with the antichrist, turning up at your doorstep. It was very romantic.” She grinned at Aziraphale and nudged her. Aziraphale was having a hard time hiding the smile that was betraying her. “Hardly, you live here. And it was way too risky.” But it was obvious to see she had already lost the argument and was getting lulled in by Crowley who was leaning in to her and had started caressing her arm and throat with her fingertips. 

The two men watched their play, so similar to them and yet so different. Crowley really wished he could lean that close to his Aziraphale. And Aziraphale could not take his thoughts of Crowley’s fingers on his throat. Even if they weren’t really on his, and they weren’t really Crowley’s. But just the thought of it did some rather inconvenient things to him.

The women in turn seemed to realise that they were not alone. Aziraphale took the hand that was tickling her skin and held it in hers. 

“Well if you didn’t adopt the Antichrist, how did you avert Armageddon?” asked Crowley a bit disappointed that her actions had been stopped and started drawing circles on Aziraphale’s hand with her thumb instead. 

Crowley glanced at Aziraphale. Their eyes met for a moment before both quickly looked away. “Adam kind of did that himself. He grew up with humans, was human incarnate you could say, told Satan he wasn’t his dad and his friends destroyed the horsepeople.”

“And we avoided being destroyed by heaven and hell through a clever ruse.” Added Aziraphale cheerily. “We tricked them into thinking we were the other one, we switched faces.” He was awfully proud of that still. 

“Wait heaven and hell tried to destroy you?” asked Aziraphale. “Not very angelic” added Crowley. Aziraphale ignored her. “Why didn’t your antichrist just make everyone forget? That’s what Eve did.” 

The men shrugged. It just made for a nice dramatic ending they guessed. “So you’ve been raising her. And she still lives with you even after Armageddon is over?” Asked Crowley. 

“Yes of course where else would she go? We’re her parents.” Answered the other Crowley.

Crowley had just gotten another reason to envy the women. He wouldn’t admit it but he was missing Warlock. The little kid had really grown on him. He had a soft spot for children after all. And even if he hadn’t been the antichrist raising him had been so nice. Crowley had been genuinely happy these few years, a kid and constant company from Aziraphale. It had been easy to imagine them a family. 

“That sounds very nice.” He said. The softness in his voice made Aziraphale turn to him. He saw sadness, grief and longing in his face. Moved by the affection in Crowley he put his hand on the demons, to signal him he understood. Crowley me this gaze and smiled a sad smile. 

“We looked out for a child for a few years, we thought he was the antichrist but there had been a mix up. We couldn’t keep him though, obviously, he has parents and we were just his nanny and his gardener. He grew on us quite a bit.” Explained Aziraphale. 

The two women looked sad at that. “I’m sorry to hear that.” Said Aziraphale softly. Her tender look at Crowley made him all squirmish. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a kid and I was just his nanny.” He mumbled and avoided the soft looks of both Aziraphales. The other Crowley wasn’t better she looked so understanding. It was almost worse. 

Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand lightly and took his hand back to himself. He noticed his discomfort and didn’t want to make it worse. The hand had been the smallest of Crowley’s worries and he was missing the warmth already. Something in him desperately wanted to reach out to get it back but he stopped himself. 

“How did you mix up the Antichrist?” asked Crowley to ease the other from the unwanted attention. 

They spend the next few hours comparing and explaining the differences of their universes to each other. They were quite similar. Now and then the woman Crowley had stopped the woman Aziraphale from getting into a stupidly dangerous situation but mostly it was the same. They didn’t seem to have a lot of influence on the humans in general. 

“Makes you think huh?” said Crowley (the man) “Heaven and hell can’t think up anything as good or bad as the humans do on a regular basis. I’ve always said that.” He had gotten a slightly annoyed look from Aziraphale for that.

But even the points in their lives were actually quite similar. Both had eaten Oysters in Rome, after a very frustrating mission for Crowley. The reign of King Arthur had been very easy for Aziraphale and rather annoying for Crowley and rather moist for both of them. The 14th Century had been terrible for everyone involved. Shakespeare had needed a demonic miracle to get anyone to see Hamlet. The arrangement had obviously not happened for the women because they had been married for quite some time at that point. The French revolution happened. They moved to London Aziraphale opened a bookshop, Crowley took a century long nap, much to Aziraphale’s despair. 

“You noticed I was gone for a century?” asked Crowley at that (The man obviously, the women were living together after all)  
“Yes of course, I missed you. Do you actually think I wouldn’t notice you being gone for an entire century?” Answered Aziraphale accusingly.  
The women gave each other a knowing look. And Crowley added ‘I missed you’ to his pile of things he would have to really think about along with ‘Loving a demon’. 

Crowley bought the Bentley. World War one happened, the Nazis came and went. Queen happened and ruined all tapes in Crowley’s car, the antichrist was born and the Apocalypse happened or rather didn’t happen. That last one was different for the two of course. 

“It’s getting rather late.” Said Aziraphale, looking at the clock on the wall. They all obviously did not need sleep, but they didn’t want to bother Eve, who should be sleeping by now (Although she probably wasn’t). And the two men should really be getting back into their own dimension. Who knew what kind of consequences this whole interaction may have on time and space and such. 

“Yes you’re right we ought to try and get back to our universe.” Aziraphale agreed. They stood up and Crowley and Aziraphale walked themselves (from a different reality) out. The demon and the angel stood arm in arm watching the demon and the angel leave their shop. 

“Do you think they’ll get it together now?” Asked Crowley. 

“Do you mean if they’ll have the guts to make a move on each other?” She paused and looked at the door where the two had just walked out of “One can only hope, they seemed awfully tense about it.” 

Crowley and Aziraphale smiled at each other and shared a tender kiss that said, I am so glad we didn’t go through the torture of pining for 6000 years and instead just boned on the ark. Then they went back to their daughter and their happy life together.

Meanwhile the other Crowley and Aziraphale had stepped through the door and landed on the street before the bookshop. The light in the bookshop was not on anymore. They couldn’t see the other two through the window but that could also be because the windows were very dirty. They stood on the street before the bookshop, not sure what to do now. 

“Do you want to come in?” Asked Aziraphale unsure. He didn’t want Crowley to go home just yet. But he wasn’t sure if it was appropriate. It was late after all. 

“Do you think it will be back to normal again?” Asked Crowley instead of answering. It wasn’t a no and it was enough for them both to work with. 

“I hope so, only one way to find out.” Aziraphale stepped forward opening the door to let them in. The door opened and the bookshop stayed dark. There were no angels or demons around. They could feel they were back in their own reality. Back in their bookshop. Crowley caught himself thinking that and made another mental note to think about how he felt the angel’s bookshop to be his home as well.

Aziraphale held the door open for Crowley, who took the invitation immediately. Inside they went to the back and picked out some more alcohol. It did take a lot to get a supernatural being like them drunk and they had barely had anything yet so they were not really at risk of getting shitfaced and saying things they’d regret. Of course they might say things they could potentially regret while being sober too but it was best not to think of that.

They sat down, on the same sofa they had sat on in the other bookshop, next to each other and both pretended not to notice it. 

“Well that was quite an experience.” said Crowley. He was slouching as regular and maybe his slouch was conveniently getting him closer to Aziraphale. 

“Indeed, can you believe we’re married in a different universe?” Aziraphale took a sip of his wine. 

So right to the subject thought Crowley. He was considering whether the angel was the one moving too fast now. He disregarded the thought. 

“For 5000 years. They did seem like more capable versions of us. Maybe it’s the teamwork.” Crowley said. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was implying that they would be together already if they were more capable or if they would be more capable if they were together. It didn’t matter really, because what he definitely had implied was that he did not think it to be ridiculous that they might be married. 

“Maybe we could be more efficient too if we were to cooperate more.” Said Aziraphale. Crowley looked at him. He tried to figure out if he meant cooperate in work together or in be together. Aziraphale had obviously meant the latter but he had always been quite proud of his ability to give subtle hints, or at least that was what he wanted to think of himself. After all almost getting killed by Nazi spies, just to get his best friend to talk to him again, wasn’t as subtle as he thought. 

“Would you want that? To cooperate more?” Asked Crowley and hoped desperately that Aziraphale had meant the latter. He was very fidgety but he somehow managed to sit still and hold Aziraphale’s gaze. Aziraphale smiled at him. 

“I would very much like that.” He put his hand back on Crowley’s where he had taken it away earlier. Crowley never wanted to miss it ever again. Somehow Aziraphale really was the one moving faster now. “Would you like that too?” Aziraphale moved closer now. They were already sitting awfully close so there was not much space left between them. 

“Erm, yes I… I’d like that” stuttered Crowley. He was having trouble speaking with Aziraphale so close. Luckily he did not need to speak anymore. Aziraphale had closed the space between them completely. He was kissing him. His hand sneaked up to cup Crowley’s cheek. The kiss was very tender and sweet. It tasted like wine and hope and future and coming home. Aziraphale pulled away again. Crowley made a small noise, his eyes closed behind his glasses. 

“Was that what you had in mind?” asked Aziraphale in a low voice. His hand was still on Crowley’s face. Crowley leaned into it and nodded lightly. Aziraphale laughed softly. He raised his other hand, which had still been laying on Crowley’s hand, to Crowley’s face. Crowley made a disapproving sound. Aziraphale pulled away his hand in which Crowley’s cheek was cradled, only a bit, moved it higher and removed Crowley’s glasses with both hands. Crowley opened his eyes and met Aziraphale’s. They were full of love and the slightest bit amused. 

This time it was Crowley who leaned in, wrapping his arms around Aziraphale’s back. The kiss was deeper and quite a bit less chaste then the last one. His hands wandered over Aziraphale’s back, up to his neck and in his hair. The angel reciprocated the gesture. He used both his hands to pull Crowley closer to deepen the kiss and explore the demon’s body. 

Desperation kept them close. Even as they pulled away their limbs stayed entwined. 

“Can you imagine, we could have had this 5000 years ago?” Said Aziraphale. Crowley scoffed at that.  
“Don’t remind me. I have wanted this for about that amount of time, if not longer.” He buried his face in Aziraphale’s neck. 

“I have the feeling we would not have gotten a lot done if we had.” He laughed. His hand ran through Crowley’s hair. 

“I’m glad we can figure out what exactly it means to really be together like this. Maybe we’ll have another 6000 years to make up for the time we wasted being afraid.” Aziraphale said. Crowley lifted his head. 

“I’d like that.” He made a break to evaluate whether to say what was on his mind. Aziraphale gave him an encouraging nod. He understood him and he wanted to know. “You said, in the other bookshop earlier, that you were afraid of falling because… you said that your…” He trailed off without the courage to finish the question. 

“My love for a demon?” Asked Aziraphale softly. Crowley hid his face again and nodded. Aziraphale took his face in his hands and looked in his eyes. 

“I meant that Crowley. I love you.” Crowley did everything in his power not to start crying. A few tears did escape but he smiled through them. He leaned his forehead against Aziraphale’s. 

“I love you too.” He whispered. Silent enough to only be heard by the angel. Even though they were alone, this was meant only for their ears. 

At last they got the chance to live a happy life together, and they took it. Sitting together on a sofa, closer than they used to they started the rest of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> This is also on [Tumblr](https://thetardisdaughter.tumblr.com/post/187132156133/so-i-wrote-this-for-magical-bee-and-since-its)


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